Conrad Ricamora Talks Friendship, Love, and Wake Up Calls In Hulu’s How To Die Alone
In How To Die Alone, Natasha Rothwell stars as Mel, a broke JFK airport employee who has a near-death accident that inspires her to live life to the fullest. By her side is her best friend Rory, played by Conrad Ricamora, who is dealing with his own issues and a budding romance. Pop Culture Planet’s Kristen Maldonado spoke with Ricamora about love, friendship, and his personal connection to his character.
What initially drew Ricamora to the role of Rory was the change to work with Natasha Rothwell. “Number one, Natasha Rothwell. I've been a fan of hers for years. Everything from White Lotus to Insecure. Even in bit parts where she was in Love, Simon,” he told me. “She always popped in everything that she was doing and I wanted to work with her immediately.”
The friendship that Rothwell wrote for Mel and Rory “really does feel like a love letter.” “I'm an out gay man and I've got so many female best friends. They're such an important part of my life, but that has come with ups and downs as well that I can relate to with Mel and Rory,” Ricamora expressed. “The complexity and fun of that relationship is really what drew me to the part.”
“It’s such an interesting display of the ways that our friends support us, but, in examining it deeper, how do they hold us back as well? How do we hold ourselves back in those friendships and can we grow together or do they fall apart?” mused Ricamora. “Those questions I think are so vital and interesting and relatable.”
This season also finds Rory exploring his first real relationship. “Speaking about things that are definitely relatable, in the gay community it has been as frustrating to try to date and find a monogamous relationship because [that] is something that is not always prized in gay male relationships,” said Ricamora. “To see Rory explore that and try to go for that and all the things that brings up, I think are definitely relatable and funny to watch because I've gone through that in my life.”
“I think especially as a gay Asian man in this country, in my experience of dating for over 20 years now, it's been tough to get through the kind of prejudice and racism that I've experienced in the dating world,” he continued. “You think being in a gay, queer space that people wouldn't have those thoughts, but they still exist.”
Rory struggles as the son of a JFK airport executive and an “artist with an artist’s soul” — and Ricamora was able to relate. “Those two things always collide. I grew up with a family that were not artists or actors. When I started to pursue the performing arts, it was a very rough time where my dad was constantly like, ‘Oh, do you think you should use your psych degree? Go back to school,’ aka do something else. I definitely love that Natasha has written that into Rory's storyline because it creates a lot of fiction,” he shared. “It creates a lot of acting out sometimes when your family doesn't accept you because you're still pushing to be seen for who you are instead of for who they want you to be. Like with Rory, it can last into your 30s and stunt your growth a lot of times. I think it's definitely stunted Rory's growth because his family hasn't accepted him for who he is, which is a documentary filmmaker.”
Due to this, Rory and Mel bond more over their misery than anything else. “I feel like they have for years taken refuge in each other, but also used each other to let off steam about everything else in their life. Instead of pursuing solutions, they kind of commiserate,” said Ricamora. “The saying misery loves company is very true and I think that's true for Rory and Mel in their friendship, so I'm very excited to see how that unfolds.”
“I think that happens in our lives all the time with friends where we rely on each other maybe to an unhealthy point that it's holding us back,” shared Ricamora. “It takes something like a huge life event of something that is traumatic sometimes to wake us all up and be like, ‘Hey, where we either need to be there better for each other or we need to set up our own lives and take accountability for ourselves in a way that sets us up for success.’”
When it comes to Ricamora’s own wake up call, he opens up about his personal romantic challenges. “I got married this last year actually to somebody that I met while we were shooting How To Die Alone in Toronto, but I've been dating for so long and dating where you just constantly make excuses for the person that you're dating,” he shared. “They don't show up, they constantly lie, but you're just like, ‘Okay, I'm going to give you another chance,’ and then being like, ‘What am I doing? Why am I accepting this for myself?’ Saying no to that then opens you up to better things and healthier things for yourself.”
How To Die Alone is streaming on Hulu.
